I wonder to myself sometimes. It's usually something I shouldn't care about, but do. If there's one flaw with my personality, it's that I don't care to a degree, it starts a festering amount of care within me. I know it sounds rather odd, but that's the truth.

Now what happened a few months back, I daresay about a year ago...

Two friends of mine were at war over some huge titted chick they both liked. I was rather idealistic and was compelled as to whom I chose in this battle (lo, Paul wanted nothing to do with it). I chose the side I thought was right and wrongfully betrayed. What I didn't take into account was the fact that there was another side to this fight.

When you take away 'wrong' and 'right', it's just two sides with different perspectives of the situation. There was no 'wrong' in that situation. In that same sense, there was no 'right'.

That's what the fight was all about.

What I did was be a co-conspirator and was used in full by it to one who I thought was a friend.

Eventually, I lost sleep over this fiasco with several thousand thoughts to it. I thought that I higher power would serve justice to those who wronged me. In the end, I realise that the only one who can right this wrong is me and only me. Not my mother, my brother, not Rylan, not Thomas... just me. I'm the only one who can be the adult and apologize.

I wouldn't beg for forgiveness, I still am no one's dog. I just want to be civil and not tear one idiot's guts out and laugh all the while while doing so.

If I made a Rosh Hashana resolution, I guess this would be it: Redemption. To fix my mistakes; to right a wrong; to make a point in this stage and finally grow up.

I'm willing to talk, if they aren't willing to forgive me, so be it. The weight of sin will weigh upon my shoulders. This may be my one chance this year to finally do something at BLX, to make something of me.

Hmmm... last week wasn't so cool. Goddamn it, I dunno what to do. Teachers hate me, the students aren't fans of me either, and my family is ever so supportive of me. What I need every goddamned morning is that same sonuvabitch calling me out to the office to piss me off. He's being sadistic and he fucking well knows it.

My weekend wasn't all that great. I did get Fullmetal Alchemist from some store. Paul had to loan it out to one of his buddies from his DDR group. He'd damn well better get it back from them so I can loan it to Cameo.

The whole reason my weekend wasn't good is 'cause Thomas was out of town. His dad had to goto some place in Edmonton for a conference with one of his former students. Now what you're thinking is:

"Why is he going with his dad to Edmonton?"

Answer: That former student of his works at Bioware.

I shit you not. Thomas got to goto Bioware of all humanly places. I happened to be the bigger fan, but he got to go. Lucky little bastard. He got to go to my Valhalla.

So all I did was just watch The Warriors with Charles. That was a great movie. I wish gangs were like that nowadays. Now I'm so pumped and I wanna play the game.

I went to Tennis on Sunday and did good. My backhand is actually improved. I totally dominated in King's Court. Purdy looked kinda surly that day, though. Prolly what keeps circulating around the school about him took the toll on his life outside of school.

Oh yeah...

I went on my way to class and I said hi to Larisa (a friend of mine, you can say) and she offered the next time I skip art, I can hang around with her at the mall or somewhere. Of course, if I miss two more art classes, I'm booted from the course. So I politely declined (sorry Larisa).

My day today wasn't special. That's all you need to know.

...I think I'll keep oogling that chick in art.

C.S.K.W

Sweet Ceasar's Toast! Today wasn't a withering pile of horseshit! Victory to me!

So like, it all began with French. Today I was all 'Ugh, fuck... it's goddamned french.' Until we saw single-handedly one of THE coolest Dumas movies (Americanized, I can't bitch; it's still badass), The Count of Monte Cristo. Yep. Seeing as I was the only one who saw the film in english I somewhat knew sorts about the film. So therefore, I acted a little arrogant when someone asked me a question. I got a large portion of the questions done, so therefore I can watch the movie in silence. Overall, I had a good time there.

Gym was insignificant.

Nothing, nothing, nothing! Comp 2 was irrelevent!

Lunchtime was bullshit.

Art was boring.

Theatre I got some accomplished. Whoop-dee-fucking-do~!

I had detention after school due to the fact I skipped so damned much. The de facto dictator of detention that kept his eyes on us like a concentration camp guard wasn't there too much, so I got to screw around with my school e-mail and send off haphazard messages to my friends.

Overall, I actually had a degree of fun today only due to the fact of French. That really made my day.

Today I skipped yet again! My mom scolded Paul and I again. The teachers are going to have a bloody field day with Paul and I, great. Please adonai, make the vice-principal never come back.

All I did today was play Grandia with Paul. Well, that game sure as hell gives Paul and I a melancholic feeling of when the two of us were back in grade 4 and nearly beat the game (sadly, we had to return it to the store before we could beat it). I loved every second of us sitting by the warmth of my TV in my room, playing the game and rediscovering the ever-so-horrid voice acting. At least it was damned fun.

I don't need cockbitting ass-monkeys to tell me what I should or shouldn't do.

C.S.K.W

Thanksgiving: The time of the year that you and your family get together and eat turkey, have awkward pauses, and talk with each other generally. Of course by turkey I mean steak, and by talk, I mean racist drawl.

Let me tell you something; I usually like thanksgiving. Hell, it's a reason to eat and talk. Now what ruined my thanksgiving was the family of my cousin's fiance. They are horrible people. This is how it all started...

We went off to my cousin's house. They were all either gone or studying (preps). So my mother, Paul, and I slumped down on the couch with my aunt and uncle (very nice folks) to watch some very brainnumbing bullshit (528 channels and not one smart thing on). About 45 minutes later, we started on our way to my cousin Alanna's fiance's, Shaun's, place.

My cousins had 5 cars to compliment every member of the family. When we went into the house you can tell at once what type of people Shaun's family was; rich kids. Their house had 3 fucking garages, a pool, some high-end TV, and to top it all off, the slaving housewife. The family's roster is composed of the dad, a contractor; the mom, the slaving housewife; G.B, the drunkard tough guy; and Shaun, the impertinent rich kid. All of which (save the wife) are terrible, petty, shallow, and materialistic people. We got called to the table to eat chicken and steak of all things during thanksgiving. Though unorthadox, it was tasty. That wasn't the bad part. Here's the bad part, the talk at the table. At first, it wasn't so damned bad, G.B talking about how much of a tough guy he is, Shaun's plans, and school costs. As soon as Shaun got to the topic of clubs, the whole thing went awry. They talked about how certain clubs smelled different because of asians or something. Then they got onto the topic of how come the apartments smelled, of which they blamed the Spanish, the Carribians, and the blacks. Their racist remarks had no end. The only ones at the table other than me or Paul who held their tongues were Jordan and Corey.

We went back after we ate.

I hate that family. They have a right to a degree of racism against the Turks for what they did to them (their family happens to be Armenian), but no one else. I'm confused as to what asians, spaniards, black people, and/or carribians did to them. I just don't get it. It's supposed to be thanksgiving, not be a racist pig day. Those people have literally no buisness to be racist. When they're richer and when I'm an adult, I can safely say to those terrible, shallow, rascist, petty people, 'I'm richer than you!' Bastards.

I went to Thomas'. We didn't do much when I got back. I tried to get Thomas to watch Firefly, but he didn't want to. So we just played FCI all night.

I did nothing all day today worth mentioning, until I was treated to thanksgiving dinner. Thomas' family is infinately nicer. Hell, they never rail on anyone. They're often too nice to people. The people to as I didn't know very well were more hospitibal than Shaun's family. The food was both traditional and good, and above all, no racist remarks. In a sense, that dinner was moreso with my family, than that terrible family I ate with.

Happy Thanksgiving!

C.S.K.W

Well... today was unfascinating in about every respect.

Paul and I were late this morning due to the fact we got a new episode of Bleach on our hands. Suffice to say, the subbing was terrible, but the episode totally rocked. I really want to see the second part of the new episode.

When at school, I went to the usual cafeteria table. It was hella sweet! I got to hang around with my friends and do absolutely nothing. As Jim says: 'Why do something when you can do nothing?' But anyway, Rick was seriously making a little bit of an ass of himself. He actually listened to Shackle.

Let me tell you about Rick. He happens to be a shit crazy (in a good way) rapper. Now what people do to get noticed, or rather what he did today was somewhat idiotic. He in fact rapped his crazy song in the cafeteria. I cringed for him. I'm saying if he rapped, he should have no buisness doing it in front of several jocks and preps. What happened to him was in a sense, getting murdered socially. Anyone could blatantly tell that the jock/prep crowd only wanted to listen to him so that they can ensnare him with nasty comments days later. Also, I'll say this once: I like Rick's rapping. It's the preps that are dissing it.

So, yeah... fucking preps and jocks...

Nothing significant happened after that.

At lunch, I went to the mall with Steven (not the bad-toothed S1 kid) and Rick for lunch at the mall. I got a new book: 'The book of Jewish conspiracies' which is insofar, very funny. Steve had to get two books for his mom, for some reason. On the way out, I went to get some booster juices for Rick and I. We went back to school, and got into theatre in the nick of time.

My play was mediocre at best in theatre. Eric had to miss a few lines, otherwise, he actually memorized his part. The biggest factor was Steven and Welby's part; that gave us points. I was only but a minor factor in the play, thankfully.

Yeah, I went to the mall after, seeing as I still see my S1 art class on day 6 as but a pseudoclass; not an actual class, despite it being still on (though I'm the only one in there on day 6). So I did what teenagers are good at; ditching. In the mall, I hung around with Justin (the L2 addict) until he went with his ladyfriend. After that, I checked if Serenity was playing at the moment. Unfortunately, it wasn't, so I went to get an old GBA for 30 $ at microplay with a copy of Fire Emblem: The Sacred Stones (fun!). After that, I took the bus home and the rest is history.

C.S.K.W

Right now I need a hug...

...Nevermind, that sounded too emo.

Okay, my day was absolute dog shit. I haven't had a this much of a crappy day in ages. I mean that.

This all starts at 7-11. Me and Paul were late this morning, so therefore we kind of skipped our beginning classes. I had spare, but Paul had Comp 2. Goddamned son-of-a-bitch hall monitor.

Computer 2 sucked. French sucked. Nothing overly fascinating until I got to my locker at lunch. I owed Lacy some stuff for giving me stuff to eat in French, but that goddamned cunt, Juph, had to come in with her prep squad that consisted of goddamned Kelsie, and fucking Laura W. I seriously hate them. Anyway, I was taking a sip of my Frappcino at my locker after, then, Juph comes in and snatches away my candy with her prep squad. They almost got away with it too, if it weren't for Satty (Satpreet) who saved my ass. I'm so thankful. Seriously, I am. She actually is the scourge of the preps; they fear her, rightfully even. So I thanked Satty, and she threatened to kick their asses, had they try a stunt like that again. Sadly, I had to goto classes after.

Art also was nothing. Theatre much less then nothing.

Detention... I hated the phonie librarian who was pretending she cared about people in Africa. If there's any recolection of her caring, it's only when she can smoke outside of the LR library.

God, today sucked. I need Firefly.

C.S.K.W

Oh. My. God. I have finished seeing all 11 hours of Firefly today. God, It was magnificant.

Okay, let me explain what Firefly is in a quick geek equation:

Cowboy Beebop + Trigun + Outlaw Star = Firefly

Of course, only actual geeks can understand that. So here's the regular way of explaining it:
Firefly is based in the year 2517. Humanity is united under a totalarianist regime due to a war being won. Now pan to the captain of the ship, Malcolm Reynolds, the gruff, aloof, sarcastic captain of a Firefly class transport ship, Serenity. The series follows the misadventures, hijinks, and of course, journey of Serenity's crew. Basically, the setting is a sci-fi western. Every episode you can blatantly see this, as there's bar brawls, old-looking guns, and spaceships. This show originally aired in 2002 on FOX in Canada and the US, directed and written by Joss Whedon (my new master). Of course, FOX saw the the show didn't rack up any ratings, so therefore they cancelled it. After its awesome DVD sales, Whedon was green-lighted to make a movie, Serenity (Which I saw today).

Anyway, I recommend that people see this. It's a perfect example of how sci-fi should be done. Also, it blows the shit out of Enterprise or any other piece-of-shit sci-fi you can think of.

C.S.K.W

Today is irrevelant. Nothing went on, save Paul going out to Cameo's to play L2. I got the house to myself without actually being able to play games. Joy.

Anyway... I just studied on 'useless, but interesting things to know.' It feels good in a way to figure out what origin derives from what. On the other side of that thought, it also feels terrible that such knowledge is dreaded, depressing, and mostly useless if you want to make money.

Basically, I goto Wikipedia to study various (Mythological) things that technically won't help me acidemically because those said things interest me. So here's what I found out;

There are several Angels of Death, mostly of hebrew origin. Specifically, in almost every culture and ethnic group they take on different names, but all of them have but one title: Angel of Death. Several Angels of Death's names are: Ankou (Bretonic; 'The cart puller'), The Morrigan (Celtic; The crow and battle maiden), Thanatos (Greek/Roman; Brother of Sleep, son of the night), Odin (Norse; Lord of Fury), Azrael (Qu'ran; The book-signer), Samael (Talmudic; accurser, seducer, and destroyer), Abaddon (Hebrew; destruction personified), and of course our classic latinic guy down there, Satan.

I found this all fascinating, honestly. Sure, it's undeniably depressing and very difficult to read about, as some of the definitions of the Angel of Death can be rather... disturbing to faith and beliefs, and it makes you hate life and consider certain things bleak and meaningless. In other words, it's rather nihilistic. At the same time, you also get a feeling of enlightenment to know such things. Stupid ambigousity of knowledge. When studying this stuff, I never have any feeling of Nihilism (my father gets that feeling when he studies this stuff up). There's no need to consult Nietzsche or Heidegger about such feelings. I seriously think that that whole movement is so over-the-top superficial anyway.

Seriously though, I try not to be nihilistic about life like some people I know. Life isn't bleak and candy-coated with death and dispair. I'll leave the so-called 'emo' kids to that. Come to think of it, there is no 'emo' in us. 'Emo' is just something you are. Dispair about it all you like, but existance is never bleak. When you think it's bleak, would you not have purpose in thinking that? Even Nihilists and 'emo' people have a certain degree of existance even if they don't want to acknowledge it, and even wanting to destroy their own 'bleak' existance. That's all I think about stupid angst kids who should have no reason to be so damned 'emo.'

...I think I'm sort of pseudointellectual.

Believe me, I used to be apart of that cult there until I saw the truth with one of my friends. I can't ever stop thanking him. Thank you, Shawhan.

Man, today and yesterday rocked. Well, school yesterday afternoon reeked of blantant idiocy on the part of the faculty. Who am I to bitch?

...Wait a second, that's the whole point of this journal.

Thursday began in the usual sense. I had my spare, then comp two (I did almost ALL of my work), and then French (had even more shit than usual to put up with). That's how it began. It gets worse.

Theatre was terrible upon all fronts. Steven, the glue of our group, left us for going to the Mantario trail trip. So I had to attempt to keep them together. Hell, I never trusted Welby or Eric to actually work together. I hate to be cynical of them, but they have even lower work ethic than I do.

Normally on day six, I get to go home after theatre, seeing as the whole damned art class is away at Shops. Unfortunately, the art teacher is an evangelistic bitch even when common sense applies. Y'see, you can't teach an art class with only one student; it's just not possible. I explained this to her, and she shook her head and told me to work. Suffice to say, it was rather productive of work.

After school I ran out to the mall to pick up Far Cry: Instincts for Thomas. After I did that, I called him and left a message. I waited with Paul, and when he was about to play MTG (Magic: The Gathering) with me, Thomas called. Apologizing, I left Paul and biked over to Thomas' place.

I arrived back at Thomas' place. When I did, Thomas was all hyperactive (he wanted FC:I, a lot). When I gave it to him, he had a brief heart attack. We played for hours, until it was late. It was too dark for me to bike back, so Tom's mom let me stay (despite Tom having school in the morning). Tom went to sleep, while I watched Ghost in the Shell: Stand Alone Complex it was cool until they started throwing biblical quotes at each other. I went to sleep after that show.

I slept in until 11:00 am. I was lucky I didn't have school. Waking up, I went downstairs and fixed myself some breakfast. After I finished, I just stuck around the area. I first went Grant Park to check up on Owen. Sadly, I didn't find him. After, I went to Laverendrye for a nap. I woke up and went to Josette's (my old sitter) for a drink. I liked the fact I'm like a fucking family member to her, it really helps when I'm in a jam in that area. She gave me some Kool-Aid and sent me on my way. Thanks, Josette. Then, I returned to Tom's house. He wasn't in, so I just played FC:I for an hour until he came home. Suffice to say, we played even more Video Games after that.

We ate supper then went to Thomas' dad's students' movie, Dizzy Spell. I really liked it. It had a very good sense of humor (and one naughty part). The best quote of that movie had to have been from the Jay and Silent Bob wannabes, Jake and Rob, which was; 'als, Winnipeg, Babes, Beer, Weed, Slurpees!'  Kudos to the students for making the movie so damned well, and Kudos to George for letting me and T-man seeing it. We picked Botan up after the flick.

...That's pretty much it.